A wedding is always exciting. A lot of planning and preparation go into action so that the wedding will be memorable meaningful and as one-of-a-kind as the marrying couple. Yet, each couple has consideration unique to them.

With today’s escalating wedding costs, many brides and grooms who have no children of their own, ask A-wedding Day something akin to: “We want an adult only wedding and wedding reception. Is there a proper way to request that our guests not bring their chilren to wedding ceremony and wedding reception?”

The answer is both, yes and no. If you think that this makes no sense, keep reading.

When you send out your wedding invitations and reply cards, address them to:

Mr. and Mrs…. or
Mr…. or
Mrs…. or Miss…. or Ms…
This indicates to them that they are the only invitees. You may even add Adults Only Wedding. Most people will take into consideration that the invitation was not sent to – and Family and will make arrangements for their children so they can attend the wedding without them.

So, you may ask: “Where does the NO come in” Well;

What about your family and wedding attendants? Is there a chance that they will get insulted and view you as ungreatful?

Did you take into consideration your out of town guests? Will they leave their children behind and travel without them? Will they simply decline your invitation replying that they can not attend? Will they be offended and think that you are inconsiderate, especially when they see your ring bearer and flower child? or will they bring the kids anyway?

This hapened at my wedding 41 years ago. Ours was a small wedding with only 35 guests. Even first cousins were not invited. Yet almost everyone understood that this was all we, 2 students on a very minimal budget, could afford at the time and did not take offense.

Everyone except Rose and Harry who drove from Haverhill Mass to Brooklyn N.Y to attend. They brought their children Debbie and Mark 7 and 8 years old at the time. Fortunately our reception was a buffet and we did not assign seats. 5 tables of 8 left a few empty seats, enough to accomodate these two.

As it turned out, the seats were not necessary because Mark and Debbie attached themselves to the photographer. You guessed it. Every group picture potraits Mark and Debbie sitting right smack, dab in the middle. It made no difference to them, if it was a photograph of the wedding party, the bride’s side of the family or the groom’s. The two parked themselves in the center.

Today we have grown up children and grand children and have learned a lot since our own wedding.

Having seen both sides of the coin, you may ask: “Is there an adequate solution that will benefit all?”

The answer is a resound YES!

It takes thought and planning but can be done even on a tight budget.

FIRST STEP

If our suggestion appeals to you, you should add a note for guests who have children that if they must bring their children, the kids will be supervised and entertained in another location.
Let them know that their children will be cared for by a qualified adult.

Ask them to reply if they plan to bring their children and if so how many, what ages and what gender. Provide this information to the supervisor(s) so they can prepare accordingly.

To decide how many adult supervisors you need consider:

Up to what age a minor is considered a child to be supervised.

Check your list of possible locations for your wedding ceremony and or reception, to find out if they have an additional room you can reserve as a children’s Center for the duration of your wedding.

Most religious institutions have school rooms.

Hotels may offer you a small conference or meeting room, or a suite that includes a sitting room.
Restaurants that facilitate weddings usually have rooms of different sizes and will be glad to accomodate you with an additional smaller room.

The same holds true for country and other club houses.

Now that you know what to look for, choose the wedding venue that is able and willing to accomodate your young friends.

SECOND STEP

Figure out how many children need to be supervised,

Secure a very capable adult or adults who can play educational games, do art and crafts, are good story tellers or readers, and are gentle and caring. Your best choice would be a teacher, a camp councellor, a den mother or a girl scout troop leader, for example.

DO NOT HIRE A TEENAGER to just sit with the kids and watch TV!

Assure your guests that their children will not just be baby-sat but will have a good time.

Interview potential adult supervision candidates and find out how they plan to give the children a good, meaningful time while their parents are at the wedding, especially since the children will be of varying ages.

If you can afford it, provide an artisan such as a ballon artist to make crowns and animals, a face painter, a magician etc…

A wedding planner who also plans Bar-Bat Mitzvahs and other children’s events can help you locate such individuals. Or if your community has a pier, a promenade, an open street market or other locations where street artisans gather to show their talents, choose those that you believe will be best for your young guests and interview them. Since many street artisans work for donations, they may agree to provide their services at a reasonable price.

So, now you have a venue, and qualified supervision for your guests’ children. It is time to plan your next step.

THIRD STEP

Find out what art and craft materials you need to supply,

Decide what entertainment items will be appropriate such as a movie on VHS or DVD, etc…

Gather your needs and have them packed and ready to deliver to the Children Center at your wedding location.

Ask your caterer to suggest a kids menu. Make sure it is healthful.

If you plan the menu by yourself, stay away from too many sweets. Avoid nuts as some children are allergic to nuts. Do provide fruit, salads and how about Pizza?

FOURTH STEP

Having planned a children’s haven, you should decide how many supervising adults you need. Your best criteria should encompass:

The number of kids in attendance.
You should plan on one adult for every 10 children.
Ages of the children divided as follows:
Pre-school to 3rd graders;
4th to 6th graders;
Jr. high 7th and 8th graders.

Now that your guests children are taken care of, Enjoy your Adults Only wedding, assured that your guests will have a good time as will their children.

All of the above can be accomplished even on a tight budget of only a few hundred dollars.
Stop for a moment and ask yourself this question: “Is our DREAM WEDDING, happy and relaxed guests, combined with good will toward their children worth a few hundred dollars?”

Nily Glaser
http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/please-no-kids-in-our-wedding-96762.html

17 Responses to “Please – No Kids In Our Wedding”

1. Doralise says:

   March 5, 2011 at 5:11 pm

   No kids please-Wedding Question?
   I am getting married next year and have already decided on the Save the Date cards. I have decided not to have children at the wedding not only because the reception is at night (not TOTALLY late at night) and there will be alcohol involved. The ceremony will NOT have children except for my brother who is a ring bearer. He will not even be at the reception because there will not be other children there. My mother has found a babysitter for him. The problem? Other family members have vocally made arguements against my fiance and my decision. With such a large family on both sides, there was no way we could accomodate all the kids. They said to downsize my budget for their kids and move the reception somewhere else! My fiance and I have saved and scrimped to make a wonderful evening and now a certain few are trying to change the wedding. I am doing all I can to put our guests at ease but sometimes it feels like it isn’t enough. I am not budging on the "No kids rule" but I am sick of the fights. Another reason is because our guest list will only accomodate 150 people and those are just the adults! I do not want to boot an adult just so a kid can go to the wedding. I do not know what to say to those who are constantly on my back about this darn wedding!
   The age limit is 14, as we figured that at that age the kids would behave themselves. Also, the reason why alcohol is an issue is because the wedding venue’s liquer license cannot be validated if children are in the hall.
   My mother actually has made plans to hire a babysitter for my brother and offered to hire more if someone brings their kids but I think that this is awkward because some parents would not feel comfortable leaving their kid with someone they don’t know (even a certified babysitter) I also don’t know what to tell our relatives, help!
   Marie Lane, that is what I have been thinking of. At first I was going to say 14 and above, but you are right. I didn’t think of that. That is one of the reasons my relatives want me to change the venue (which is where the reception and ceremony are both going to be) because of the rules of the venue area even though the place is perfect. My point with the question is I don’t know what to say because these people are the type who just worm and worm until you either give in or snap and I am NOT changing the place.
2. JohnAdriaan says:

   March 5, 2011 at 11:13 pm

   I agree with your decision 100%. It’s your wedding, so it should go the way you want it to.

   However, you will also have to realise that some people won’t be able to attend because they can’t get someone to look after the kids. You’re giving them a LONG time to find a babysitter, true – they’re just being lazy.
   References :
3. dougal says:

   March 5, 2011 at 11:15 pm

   You are right to stick to your decision, its YOUR wedding and if any of them don’t want to come because of the no kids, tough, that’s their problem.
   Just refuse to discuss it any more, keep restating that to anyone who tries to argue.
   Good Luck. xx
   References :
4. nickdc1960 says:

   March 5, 2011 at 11:17 pm

   I agree with your relatives. How exactly do you define the term "kids"? Are we talking no one under age 21, since that is the legal drinking age? Or, do you mean no one under age 18, since that is otherwise considered an adult? Or, do you really mean no one under age 16, since most 16 year olds usually have a driver’s license? Or, are we talking age 12 and lower, since teens are usually pretty close to adulthood themselves? But, what about the adults in their 20s and 30s that act like children? Yeah, I am sure you’ve seen them; I even have them in my family!

   My goodness. It’s a wedding. A time to celebrate! What’s wrong with having children share in the celebration? As for me personally, when I was a "kid", I rarely went to weddings. From the time I was 13 onward, I always back-out because I saw it as a time when "old folks" got together and gossiped and talked about who died last year and who is getting a divorce this year.

   As for the alcohol bit. That’s a pretty lame excuse. The bartender is obviously going to know now to serve children AND the parents are going to be with them. MOST kids know that alcohol is strictly off limits for them anyways, so it’s not like they will be getting drunk. In fact, of the weddings I have been to as an adult, I find that people at wedding receptions handle their alcohol pretty well and know when to stop.
   References :
5. Hilary says:

   March 5, 2011 at 11:19 pm

   This is your wedding and not theirs it only comes once and all you will have to keep are memories. This day is about you so what you want MUST go, if you say no kids then no kids. congrats by the way
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6. iz2c says:

   March 5, 2011 at 11:21 pm

   This is always an issue and the bride always gets hammered by idiots in the family who forget it’s NOT their wedding. Do yourself a favor, elope! Seriously, it’ll save you a ton of money and you can get married on an island somewhere without the rug rats and their pissy parents. Just tell your families your tired of the bullshit and since they aren’t respecting your wishes you’ve planned for just the two of you. Sure you’ll piss everybody off but they’re already pissed off anyway so nothing to lose there and honey you’ve got ONE real wedding day so make the most of it and do your own thing. That’s some nerve for family members to try and heist the happiest day of your life, they don’t deserve to be part of it. Put your boundaries down early in the marriage regarding both sides of the family or they’ll run you ragged till death do you part and you’ll get sucked into many more family things you don’t want to do. You and hubby will start fighting over it eventually, just not worth it….do your own thing, leave the old and cleave to your new hubby. Best luck to you both.
   References :
   Married 26 happy years after telling both sides of our family to get lost….they got over themselves.
7. questionT says:

   March 5, 2011 at 11:23 pm

   True it is your wedding. (eventhough…someday, you may regret not having those cute kids-at-a-wedding pictures in your album….but still, that’s you). It’s also true that to some people, a wedding is family time, and they just won’t feel like it’s a complete family without the children. or their children. so they are upset. you’ll have to deal with that if you don’t want to accommodate the kids. you may also have to deal with the fact that some people may not be able to leave their kids (or stay out long because of kids at home). so you may have to miss out on people at your wedding. it’s a tough situation to be in. have you given any thought to hiring a couple of babysitters (depending on how many kids there are of course) and setting an area for the kids to have an almost day care center at the wedding? I don’t know what your wedding is going to be like. if it’s outside then the sitters can have the kids in one corner overlooking the wedding party until people leave. if it’s inside a church or whatever, maybe there is an extra room they can be in. or maybe they can be with parents because it’s not the reception. if your reception is inside somewhere…maybe there is an extra room around somewhere where the sitters can take the kids and there can be toys? you can get them pizza…or pasta. that way it’s not too expensive, and the parents can check up on them. and it won’t affect your budget too much, just the sitters and general cheap food. just an idea. or stick to your guns and gently tell everyone that it is your decision.

   EDIT: well if you are still going to stick to your guns, and the relatives are not comfortable about a sitter…you’ll just have to tell them that thats the only choice they have. they can hire their own sitters if they want, but if they want the kids there, those are the conditions. they will have to deal with it.
   References :
8. marie lane says:

   March 5, 2011 at 11:25 pm

   It’s your wedding so it should be your decision, no discussion! If you don’t want there to be children that should it. But if there arechildren over 14 will the venue still be able to serve alcohol?
   References :
9. BARBEE says:

   March 5, 2011 at 11:27 pm

   i agre whit you but 150 thats lil bit off ppl and i dont know its ur wedding but i guess u could stop being selfish imagin if u wear a lil girl but other ppl dint wanted you on the wedding that would off been fuc*tup so just get another salon share your happyness whit every one including the kids im not rich but i have alot off family and 300 ppl are not even half off my family n friends so im getting a bigger salon im getting married nexs year and im getting a 800 ppl salon i wanna share my happyness whit all my love ones just think n dont b selfish
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10. Snickers says:

    March 5, 2011 at 11:29 pm

    Have you thought about sending a blanket letter to those who are complaining? Something along the lines of

    Dear Friends and Family,

    I’m sorry that John and I will be unable to accommodate any children under the age of ? but due to the constraints of our venue we cannot include them. John and I thought long and hard about where we wanted to have our wedding and when we decided on <name of venue> we didn’t realize that it would cause such a ruckus among our friends and family members. We were only thinking about what would make our wedding special to us. Mom is hiring a sitter for <brother> and has said she’d be happy to find sitters for those of you who would like them but you’ll need to let her know by <name a date> to ensure that she can arrange to have the best sitters she knows. For those of you uncomfortable leaving your children with an unknown sitter John and I respect this and if your are unable to arrange for your own sitters we understand that you won’t be able to attend. Should this be the case please know that John and I will miss having you with us on our special day. We both wish we could please everyone but that’s simply not possible nor would it give us the wedding that we’ve been dreaming of having. Thank you all for being so understanding about our special day.
    With love
    Mary and John

    This will tell them that you do not plan to alter your plans and that you know they’ll stay home if they don’t get their way. For those who continue to badger you simply tell them that you’re sorry that they can’t come to terms with your wedding decisions but you and "John" are planning the type of wedding you both want and your decisions are non-negotiable.
    References :
11. nova_queen_28 says:

    March 5, 2011 at 11:31 pm

    Your response should be "it is my wedding and my decision. You are not required to attend if you do not like the rules – nobody will force you and I will not hold it against you if you wish to decline because your child is not invited".
    References :
12. koukla rose says:

    March 5, 2011 at 11:33 pm

    Wow, people are so rude. They have no right to tell you what kind of wedding you should have. If they care about you then they can make a sacrifice and find someone to watch their kids for one lousy day. Kids are lovely but not for a wedding. They scream, they cry, they run around, a wedding is supposed to be a peaceful and sacred event. These parents are only thinking of themselves, because the young kids won’t enjoy it either. If these people chose not to attend your wedding, then you shouldn’t consider it a loss, they’re selfish. Don’t give in and don’t snap, just calmy and politely tell them everything that you typed here: there is a budget, the venue only holds 150 people, and you want your wedding to go on undisturbed.
    References :
13. lalala says:

    March 5, 2011 at 11:35 pm

    Your family is being rude. You are not required to invite children to your wedding. You’re not required to invite anybody to your wedding actually.

    Just remain polite "Thank you for the advice but we are going to stick with our venue" (or something similar) then change the subject.

    To those who threaten to not attend the wedding say something along the lines of "It’s too bad but I understand. We’ll miss you at the wedding."
    References :
    Had an adults only wedding
14. opinionated says:

    March 5, 2011 at 11:37 pm

    the best weddings i have been to always had kids there.
    your alcohal excuse doesn’t cut it.
    how is your 14 year old age limit allowed in if not of age.
    does this mean only +21 allowed at the reception?
    keeping your brother from his own sisters reception,how mean a sister are you?
    sorry,but,you come across as someone with a bad attitude.
    if you want no kids fine,but,stop telling stories just to keep them out of your wedding.
    References :
15. Perse says:

    March 5, 2011 at 11:39 pm

    You will do well to tune out these smug people. It amazes me how rude people will become because they don’t want to pay for a babysitter for one evening. They took on the responsibility of providing care for their children when they chose to have them and that events would come up where their attendance is expected and they will have to provide alternative care for their children. I can’t imagine what these people must be like, do they never go out without the children?
    References :
16. Rainbrain says:

    March 5, 2011 at 11:41 pm

    Guests to a wedding don’t have the right or the privilege to plan your wedding for you. They are just that: guests, and they should be gracious that they are invited in the first place. If the way you’ve chosen to have your wedding isn’t convenient for them, they can decline the invite. There’s a reason that there’s a line on that RSVP card for ___________ will not attend.

    Good luck.
    References :
17. Losing Is Not An Option says:

    March 5, 2011 at 11:43 pm

    this is one of those make or break things

    either you make them see that they are not the boss of you or they break you and sweep the floor with you until the day you die

    whoever does not come because of this kid thing is a drama queen, you don’t need them there’
    whoever does RESPECT YOUR WISHES and makes plans to do so and comes with no kids is supporting you, that’s who you want there to begin with

    once the wedding is over, i promise in 2 months they’ll have moved onto another topic, such is the practice of flesh-eaters, once one carcass is old they go onto fresh meat
    keep that image in your mind and patiently wait
    References :
    don’t say anything, just stare them in the face
    just like they can’t make you budge
    show them they can’t make you talk either